Council To Fight Both Sides Of Albatross Case

The mayor of Licoco Island, Watson Broad, announced today that the council will be supporting the case for the defence, as well as that for the prosecution, in the forthcoming trial of Captain Scarfy O'Gruggles of the Licoco Rose.

Capt. O'Gruggles stands accused of shooting down an albatross on a recent voyage from the mainland, and causing a two-week delay to his ferry in the process.

Mr Broad has faced strong pressure from council members to take both sides of the case. The deputy mayor, Cyril Flack, has led calls for the prosecution.

"That scoundrel is the epitomy of all that's wrong with our society today," said Mr Flack. "He has shown a selfish intolerance for his fellow albatrosses, and our zero tolerance policy on antisocial behaviour cannot tolerate that. It's time we threw him in gaol and fed the key to an albatross."

But firebrand Democratic Socialist councillor Ed Dumfries disagreed. "This has been blown out of all proportion," he claimed. "The man shot an albatross, but the inconvenience he caused it while it was alive was as nothing to the inconvenience it caused him once it was dead. Geography will prove me right."

The mayor's change of tack is thought to relate to the fact that Capt. O'Gruggles is the only man on the island able to pilot the Licoco Rose on the voyage to the mainland. If the captain is convicted, ferry services would be suspended indefinitely.

Mr Broad explained: "We are pursuing the case against Captain O'Gruggles in accordance with our policy on crime. We are supporting him in his defence in line with our policy on transport."

The attorny general, Sir Wilbraham Liplizard, will be acting on behalf of both prosecution and defence at the trial. He said that the latest development would have a substantial bearing on the case.

"You see, representing the prosecution, I had planned to call several surprise witnesses to the stand. But now they will no longer be a surprise because the defence - me - knows who they are. It will still cause a stir, of course, because no-one else knows who they are. But I do, oho."

Sir Wilbraham continued: "It's good that we are doing it this way, though, the mayor and I were both very clear on that. Much more efficient to have one person doing all the talking, and at no extra cost.

"Otherwise, you see, Captain O'Gruggles would have had to pay one of these evil second rate albatross chasers to present his case. Now he only has to pay me, oho ho."

Asked what he thought the outcome would be, Sir Wilbraham said, "I am very confident that I will win."

Win! a personal albatross alarm in next week's Licoco Island News.