Captain Arrested Over Albatross

Captain Scarfy O'Gruggles was arrested today and remanded in custody at Licoco Town Police Station, charged with the serious crime of albatross poaching.

Sgt. Collar, of Licoco Island Constabulary, said that Capt. O'Gruggles was under suspicion following comments he was reported to have made at a press conference yesterday. "We have a duty to protect the public," he said. "Our evidence suggests that Mr O'Gruggles presents a real and serious danger to the community, particularly the albatross group, so we've taken the precaution of throwing him in the clink pending further enquiries."

In recent weeks life has not been kind to Capt. O'Gruggles, who only yesterday returned from Southead after a two-week ordeal in command of the stricken mainland ferry, and a notable improvement in his fortunes now looks unlikely. If found guilty, he could face banishment to the mainland, or execution by chicken pecking.

"Ha, banishment!" he lamented. "Be merciful, say death. For exile hath more terror in his look, much more than death. Do not say banishment."

Capt. O'Gruggles's defence is thought to hinge upon the fact that, although many people saw his alleged crime, they all subsequently died. The prosecution should therefore have no case apart from the captain's alleged confession, as reported in Licoco Island News on Tuesday.

But the attorney general, Sir Wilbraham Liplizard, denied this: "Oho, ho, I think not," he reflected. "As I understand it, the prosecution case is bulletproof. Do not be surprised if they come up with some... surprise witnesses, oho."

A date for the trial has yet to be set. In the meantime, ferry operators MachuaStar confirmed that services on the Licoco Rose will remain suspended while Capt. O'Gruggles is unable to command her.

Licoco Island News: pleasantly humanitarian.