Licoco Goes To The Polls

Election fever is sweeping across Licoco today as the island goes out to vote for the next council.

This year it is seemingly worse than ever. Whole towns have been struck down in possibly the most virulent outbreak, certainly the most contagious, in living memory.

Licoco Island News went to Silvertown, where doctors in the beleaguered polling stations were struggling to cope. "It is a disaster," confessed Dr Basil Goulash. "We have tried all known remedies. I have prescribed negative campaigning and incomprehensible manifestoes to hundreds of people, but all the while more of them are coming to vote. It is spreading faster than we can contain it."

He did stress, however, that the fever was only a twenty-four hour infection. "Oh yes, we do not expect it to last long. And it is spreading so fast that soon the whole electorate will be immune. In fact, I am confident that everyone will have forgotten all about it by the weekend."

The situation was further exacerbated in Licoco Town at lunchtime, when mayor Watson Broad returned to his home constituency of Licoco Town North to vote.

"Just remember, for a positive, forward-looking Licoco Island, vote for the Social Democratic Party," said Mr Broad, who is defending an apparently comfortable five-seat majority.

Opposition leader Lumbus Simms was also in town, at his party's campaign headquarters. "Oh yes? Well, for a brighter, better Licoco Island, vote for the Democratic Socialism Party," he responded.

In dramatic fashion, Mr Broad then scaled the steps of the Town Hall to counter Mr Simms's challenge: "Indeed? But for a prosperous, happy Licoco Island, you should vote for the Social Democrats."

To answer, Mr Simms attained the porch of the Grand Terrace Hotel. "And for a beautiful, glorious Licoco Island, the people know that the Democratic Socialists are the single realistic option."

The debate was growing heated as Mr Broad, now on the rooftop, replied, "You may say that, but for a rose-tinted, honeysweet Licoco Island, people cannot fail to see the sense in voting Social Democrat."

"I do not accept this. For a golden, idyllic, chocolate covered Licoco Island, Democratic Socialist is the only possible vote!" shouted Mr Simms, from the belltower of St. John's church.

With that, Mr Simms left for his constituency at Massive Central to cast his vote, while Mr Broad returned to the SDP headquarters. Reports suggest that the Independent Licoco Party leader, Richard Regicide-Polyester, has also voted, although at time of going to press these remain unconfirmed.

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