Licoco Ferry Missing

The Licoco Town coastguard's office today confirmed that the Licoco Rose, the ferry boat that runs between Licoco Town and Southead Harbour on the mainland, was officially "Lost At Sea." She was due to return to port from the mainland last Tuesday, but has failed to materialise.

A spokesman for the ferry's operators, MachuaStar, claimed that the confirmation was premature. "We have had no reports about the ship. That doesn't mean she's lost, it just means we can't find her. Families of those on board should panic, and our staff will be on hand to help them."

He went on to add that there were "a million perfectly acceptable reasons" for the Licoco Rose's apparent disappearance. In all probability she had been either blown off course or becalmed. Both of these predicaments have been known to befall the ferry in the past, though seldom have they caused such a long delay.

However, the Licoco Island Mariners' Union remained sceptical of this explanation. General secretary Bill Rook told Licoco Island News that a far more likely explanation was that the Licoco Rose's captain, Scarfy O'Gruggles, had been arrested in Southead. "He'll be in the clink there, I can tell you," he said. "Always for one thing or another, drunk at the helm, drunk on the quay, smuggling booze, proliferation of disease, he's done 'em all."

Yesterday Mayor Watson Broad responded to the crisis by promising that, if the Socail Democratic Party wins tomorrow's election, the council would subsidise four new oars for the mainland ferry. He was accused by opposition leader Lumbus Simms of cynical manipulation of events for political gain.

In the meantime, the Licoco Rose's disappearance has left Licoco Island cut off from the mainland. Only through these pages can Licoco Island News continue to reassure the world that, whatever else may happen, Licoco Island is still here, alone in the deep blue sea...

Licoco Island News: all the facts, through thick and thin.